pages ; 21 cm. Joshua Harris's first book, written when he was only 21, turned the Christian singles scene upside down, and people are still talking. More than , copies later, I Kissed Dating Goodbye, with its inspiring call to sincere love, real purity, and purposeful singleness, remains the benchmark for books on Christian blogger.comg: online AdSign up today. Get 2 months of Kindle Unlimited for $! Explore millions of titles on any blogger.com: Romance, Mystery, Fiction, Spirituality, Self-Help AdCheck out millions of titles, including best sellers and free books on Google Play. Browse the expansive library on Google Play anywhere, anytime. Read now ... read more
Includes bibliographical references p. What are you, nuts? org Scanningcenter shenzhen Worldcat source edition Show More. Full catalog record MARCXML. plus-circle Add Review. Reviewer: manuimmanuelkatwa - favorite favorite favorite favorite - December 27, Subject: I kissed dating goodbye Amazing!
download 1 file. Books for People with Print Disabilities. Internet Archive Books. Delaware County District Library Ohio. Scanned in China. Ready For The Sack But Not The Sacrifice What Matters At Fifty? Principled Romance Okay, I know what you're thinking.
Just wait. This foreword is preparation for what you are about to read. Actually, that's exactly what this book is about--waiting and preparation. The ideas in these pages are really quite revolutionary. I'm so glad this book is in your hands; it could save you from a lot of needless agony. It has the potential to change the mind-set of our generation.
It has already affected my life. Let me explain. You see, for a long time, I have held the same kind of opinions on dating as Josh the writer of this book and a friend of mine. I mean, as someone said to me recently, "Why shop if you're not gonna buy? Why date if you can't marry yet? I'm nineteen, and even though I've never dated, I've had plenty of years to watch some of my friends at the game.
And believe me, it is a game. And it doesn't look fun. It looks agonizing and painful. That's part of the reason I haven't dated. Second, I know it's not God's timing for me right now. I would just be distracted by having a boyfriend. Distracted from the work God wants me to do during these years. I've also had the philosophy that groups and friendships are much more fun than one-on-one relationships at my age anyway.
But a little while ago I started to get a bit discouraged by the fact that I didn't have someone to get dressed up for and daydream about. That's when I read this book and really felt God encouraging me through Josh's words. I don't think I've ever read a book in which the author is more honest and real than Josh is in this one. He tackles the hard issues, the tough questions on this confusing topic of "to date or not to date.
has a powerful way of sharing from his experience. And since he's our age just out of the teen years himself , he knows what he's talking about. One of the things I like the most about Josh's writing is that he brings it all back to the Bible and how we can really live what it says. And after knowing him for the last couple of years, I can truly say that he "walks his talk.
Thanks for sticking with me and.. Stay strong! Granted, the analogy isn't perfect you'd never take a book out to a movie , but when you read a book you do spend time alone. You hold it, stare into its face, and give it your undivided attention.
Like a dating relationship, reading a book can carry you to the peaks and valleys of emotional experience--it can make you laugh or even make you angry. I hope that you're not one of those "love "em and leave "em" types who read to the third chapter of a book and then dump it.
If you are, you probably won't get much out of this one. As with a meaningful relationship, reading this book requires a certain level of commitment--a commitment to think hard and wrestle with ideas that will challenge your present views of dating.
Many wise people say that honesty is the best policy in any relationship. So before you "get serious" with this book, you need to understand one thing. This book isn't like other books on dating. Most other books will tell you how to fix dating to make it work for you. This book tells you how to "break up" with dating so your life works for God. I Kissed Dating Goodbye is about the reasons and ways to leave behind the world's lifestyle of dating.
Still want to go out? WHAT I'M NOT GOING TO SAY Maybe you're feeling a little nervous. Why would anyone choose not to date?
How do you get married if you don't date? What about friendships? Get a life, buddy! But before we go any further, I want to state clearly what I'm not going to say about dating. I don't want you to spend your time worrying about what I might be implying. If you do, you'll miss the positive points and principles I intend to present. I know this can happen because I've done it myself. I was immediately suspicious. First, because my mom gave it to me. Giving me a book is my mom's not-so-subtle way of telling me I have a problem.
Besides that, I was worried about the implications of the subtitle which read, "Bringing your love life under the authority of God. So what did I do? I determined before I had even cracked the cover that I would disagree with everything the book had to say. As my mom likes to joke, I read all the "passion" but skipped all the "purity. Why had it seemed so irrelevant?
Why didn't I learn from it at that time? Because I had decided from the beginning that I wouldn't listen. I hope you won't make the same mistake with this book. If you can remain open to this book's message, it may be exactly what you need to hear right now. To help you let down some of the defenses you may already have put up, let me make a couple of statements that should dispel two of the most common fears people have when I talk about giving up typical dating.
I do not believe that dating is sinful. Some people have sinned as a result of dating, but I don't think anyone can accurately say that dating in and of itself is a sinful activity.
I view dating in a similar light as I view fast-food restaurants--it's not wrong to eat there, but something far better is available. As we'll see, God wants us to seek the best in everything, including our romantic relationships. As Christians, we're too often guilty of making do with the worlds model for relationships and missing God's best. Rejecting typical dating does not mean that you'll never spend time alone with a guy or girl.
There's a difference between the act of going on a date and dating as a way of thinking about and approaching romantic relationships. But dating is more than that. It's a lifestyle that involves our attitudes and values. And I want to encourage you to reexamine these patterns of thinking and acting. I won't say that it's never appropriate to spend time alone with someone. At the right time in a relationship, if the motive is clear and the setting avoids temptation, going on a date can be healthy.
DATING ISN'T REALLY THE POINT Having explained what I won't say in this book, let me tell you what I will say. In short, dating isn't really the point.
But, you ask, isn't this book about dating? And I can understand the question. After all to extend the analogy between reading books and dating , you might have felt "attracted" to this book for any number of reasons--I'll list four: 1. You just got out of a bad relationship, and you don't want to be hurt again.
Not dating sounds like a great idea. You just haven't felt comfortable with dating, and you're looking for alternatives. You're in a dating relationship that is headed in the wrong direction. You're looking for a way to keep the relationship within God's boundaries. You're in a great dating relationship, and you're curious why anyone would choose not to date.
Can people coming from such different perspectives benefit from reading the same book? I believe they can. Because, though their experiences with dating differ, they each have the same Creator. And our Creator's will and plan for our lives is the real focus of this book. Our ultimate purpose is not to figure out if Christians should date and, if so, how. Instead, as you read, I hope you look at the aspects of your life that dating touches--the way you treat others, the way you prepare for your future mate, your personal purity--and attempt to bring these areas into line with God's Word.
So even though in one sense this book is about dating, in another sense dating isn't really the point. The point is what God wants. Discussing if or how to date isn't an end in itself.
Talking about it only serves a purpose when we view it in terms of its relation to God's overall plan for our lives. You may or may not agree with some of the things I write. I hope that the ideas shared here will bring you a little closer to God's desire for your life. The small, picturesque church was crowded with friends and family.
Sunlight poured through the stained-glass windows, and the gentle music of a stringed quartet filled the air. Anna walked down the aisle toward David. Joy surged within her. This was the moment for which she had waited so long. He gently took her hand, and they turned toward the altar. But as the minister began to lead Anna and David through their vows, the unthinkable happened.
A girl stood up in the middle of the congregation, walked quietly to the altar, and took David's other hand. Another girl approached and stood next to the first, followed by another. Soon, a chain of six girls stood by him as he repeated his vows to Anna. Anna felt her lip beginning to quiver as tears welled up in her eyes.
I'm sorry, Anna," he said, staring at the floor. What is going on? but I've given part of my heart to each of them. Then she woke up. BETRAYED Anna told me about her dream in a letter. How many times have I given my heart away in short term relationships? Will I have anything left to give my husband? The jarring image haunts me.
There are girls from my past, too. What if they showed up on my wedding day? What could they say in the receiving line? Those were some pretty lofty promises you made at the altar today I hope you're better at keeping promises now than you were when I knew you. And what a beautiful bride. Does she know about me? Have you told her all the sweet things you used to whisper in my ear? I do my best to forget. I laugh them off as part of the game of love that everyone plays. I know God has forgiven me because I've asked Him to.
I know the various girls have forgiven me because I've asked them to. But I still feel the ache of having given away my heart to too many girls in my past. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT IS Growing up, I considered dating an essential part of the complete teenage experience.
If I wasn't dating a girl, I had a crush on one. This started in junior high when my peers and I treated dating as a game, a chance to play at love and experiment with relationships. Having a girlfriend meant little more than saying you were "going out. My friends and I would go out with girls and break up with them at a frightening pace. The only worry was being dumped--you never wanted to get dumped, you wanted to do the dumping. One girl I knew had the fastest breakup routine ever: When she was ready to end a relationship, she'd say, "Skippy-bop, you just got dropped.
Instead, we began experimenting with the physical side of relationships. Going out with someone came to mean you made out with that person, too. I remember standing by as a girl I liked called her boyfriend and broke up with him over the phone. As soon as she hung up, she kissed me.
That meant we were an "official couple. The physical intimacy of those junior high relationships had nothing to do with love or real affection. We just mimicked what we saw older kids do and what we watched in the movies. It seemed grown up, but in reality it was lust. I'm thankful that junior high didn't last forever. In high school, I got serious about my walk with God and became actively involved in the church youth group.
I put an "I'm Worth Waiting For" sticker on my NIV Student Bible and promised to stay a virgin until I got married. Unfortunately, youth group did little to improve my immature notions about relationships. Even in church we played the dating game with passion--more passion, I regret to say, than we gave to worshiping or listening to sermons. During Sunday morning services we passed notes about who liked whom, who was going out with whom, and who had broken up with whom.
Wednesday night youth group meetings served as our own opportunities to play "Love Connection," a game that resulted in broken hearts littering the foyer. In my sophomore year, my involvement in the dating game took a more serious turn.
That summer, I met Kelly. She was beautiful, blonde, and two inches taller than I. Kelly was popular, and all the guys liked her. Since I was the only one in the youth group who had the nerve to talk to her, she wound up liking me. I asked her to be my girlfriend on the youth groups water ski retreat.
Kelly was my first serious girlfriend. Everyone in our youth group recognized us as a couple. We celebrated our "anniversary" every month. And Kelly knew me better than anyone else. After my folks were asleep, Kelly and I would spend hours on the phone, often late into the night, talking about everything and nothing in particular.
We thought God had made us for each other. We talked about getting married someday. I promised her that I would love her forever. But, like many high school relationships, our romance was premature--too much, too soon. We began to struggle with the physical side of our relationship.
We knew we couldn't be as close physically as we were emotionally. As a result, we experienced ongoing tension, and it wore on us. Eventually, things turned sour. We both knew this was coming. Not quite "forever," as I had promised. SOMETHING BETTER I was seventeen years old when my relationship with Kelly ended. My dreams of romance had ended in compromise, bitterness, and regret. I walked away asking, "Is this how it has to be? Give me something better than this!
I thought He'd bring me the ideal girlfriend or totally remove my desire for romance. Instead, He revealed through His Word what it meant to submit my love life to His Will--something I'd never truly done.
I wanted God's best but hadn't been willing to play by His rules. Over the past four years, I've come to understand that God's lordship doesn't merely tinker with my approach to romance-- it completely transforms it. God not only wants me to act differently, He wants me to think differently--to view love, purity, and singleness from His perspective, to have a new lifestyle and attitude.
The basis of this new attitude is what I call "smart love. Smart love constantly grows and deepens in its practical knowledge and insight; it opens our eyes to see God's best for our lives, enabling us to be pure and blameless in His sight. You need to use your head and test your feelings so that your love is sincere and intelligent, not sentimental gush. Many people do this.
Instead of acting on what they know is right, couples let their feelings carry them away. I've engaged in my share of sentimental gush. While dating, I made many decisions based on superficiality and ignorance. I could so easily say "I love you" to a girl, feigning selfless devotion, but in truth, selfishness and insincerity motivated me. I was primarily interested in what I could get, such as the popularity a girlfriend could give me or the comfort and pleasure I could gain physically or emotionally from a relationship.
I didn't practice smart love. To truly love someone with smart love, we need to use our heads as well as our hearts. As Paul describes it, love abounds in knowledge and insight. To "know" something is to understand or grasp it clearly and with certainty. With this definition in mind, let me ask you a few questions.
Does love motivate the guy who sleeps with his girlfriend when it will scar her emotionally and damage her relationship with God? Does sincerity motivate the girl who leads a guy along then breaks up with him when she finds someone better? Both people exemplify selfish motivation. They need to "get smart" and realize how their actions affect others. In recent years, I've tried to let sincere and intelligent love guide me, and as I've done this, I've come to some pretty intense conclusions for my life.
I've come to realize that I have no business asking for a girl's heart and affections if I'm not ready to back up my request with a lifelong commitment. Until I can do that, I'd only be using that woman to meet my short term needs, not seeking to bless her for the long term.
Would I enjoy having a girlfriend right now? You bet! But with what I've learned as I've sought God's will for my life, I know that a relationship right now wouldn't be best for me or for the one I'd date. KNOWING WHAT IS BEST Waiting until I'm ready for commitment before pursuing romance is just one example of smart love in action. When our love grows in knowledge we can more readily "discern what is best" for our lives. Don't we all desperately need that discernment? After all, when we engage in guy-girl relationships, we face some pretty hazy issues.
Don't get me wrong--I believe in absolutes. But in dating, we don't only have to make wise choices between absolute wrong and absolute right. We also have to evaluate all parts of our dating relationships to make sure we don't go too far, allowing ourselves to get pulled into something we should avoid. Here's an example. Let's say that someone at school asks you out.
How do you seek guidance about what kind of person you can go out with? Try looking up "dating" in your Bible's concordance. You won't get far. Or maybe you've gone out on a few dates with someone, and you just kissed for the first time. It was exciting.
You feel as if you're in love. But is it right? How do we find answers to these questions? This is where "smart love" comes in. God wants us to seek guidance from scriptural truth, not feeling. It looks at the big picture: serving others and glorifying God.
In the past I made the starting point of my relationships what I wanted instead of what God wanted. I looked out for my needs and fit others into my agenda. Did I find fulfillment? No, I only found compromise and heartache. I not only hurt others, I hurt myself, and, most seriously, I sinned against God.
But when I reversed my attitude and made my main priority in relationships pleasing God and blessing others, I found true peace and joy. Smart love unlocks God's best for our lives.
When I stopped viewing girls as potential girlfriends and started treating them as sisters in Christ, I discovered the richness of true friendship. When I stopped worrying about who I was going to marry and began to trust God's timing, I uncovered the incredible potential of serving God as a single.
And when I stopped flirting with temptation in one-on-one dating relationships and started pursuing righteousness, I uncovered the peace and power that come from purity. I kissed dating goodbye because I found out that God has something better in store! PURE AND BLAMELESS The final benefit of seeking smart love is purity and blamelessness before God. This purity goes beyond sexual purity. While physical purity is very important, God also wants us to pursue purity and blamelessness in our motives, our minds, and our emotions.
Does this mean we'll never mess up? Of course not! We can only stand before God because of His grace and the sacrifice of His Son, Jesus. And yet this grace doesn't give us license to be lax in our pursuit of righteousness. Instead, it should urge us to desire purity and blamelessness even more. Ben started dating Alyssa during his senior year in college. For quite some time, he had planned to marry the summer after he graduated. Since he and Alyssa were both deeply attracted to each other, he thought she was "the one.
Alyssa was another story. While Ben had never so much as kissed a girl, kissing was practically a sport for her. Unfortunately, Alyssa's values won out. Their relationship soon became almost entirely physical.
They maintained their virginity but only in the technical sense of the word. But what about Alyssa? Yes, God can forgive her, too. But I wonder if she ever realized she needs that forgiveness. When she passes Ben in the hall at school or sees him in the cafeteria, what goes through her mind? Does she realize she played a part in tearing down his purity? Does she feel pangs of guilt for breaking his heart?
Does she even care? I've shared with you how God has changed my perspective on dating. I've described how I've chosen to live my life and to interact with women until God shows me I'm ready for marriage.
But why write a book about this perspective? What would make me think that anyone would want to hear what I have to say? Because I think God would like to challenge you, too.
I believe the time has come for Christians, male and female, to own up to the mess we've left behind in our selfish pursuit of short-term romance.
Dating may seem an innocent game, but as I see it, we are sinning against each other. What excuse will we have when God asks us to account for our actions and attitudes in relationships?
Everyone around us may be playing the dating game. But at the end of our lives, we won't answer to everyone. We'll answer to God. No one in my youth group knew how I compromised in my relationships.
I was a leader and considered a good kid. But Christ says, "There is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed, or hidden that will not be made known" Luke Our actions in relationships haven't escaped God's notice. But here's the good news: The God who sees all our sin is also ready to forgive all our sins if we repent and turn from them.
He calls us to a new way of life. I know God has forgiven me for the sins I've committed against him and against the girlfriends I've had. I also know He wants me to spend the rest of my life living a lifestyle of smart love. The grace he has shown motivates me to make purity and blamelessness my passion. I'm committed to practicing smart love, and I invite you along. Let's make purity and blamelessness our priority before our all-seeing, all-knowing God.
First, never shop when you're hungry-- everything will look good and you'll spend too much money. And second, make sure to pick a good cart. I've got the first rule down, but I haven't had much success with that second rule.
I seem to have a knack for picking rusty grocery carts that make clattering noises or ones with squeaky wheels that grate on your nerves like fingernails on a chalkboard. But by far the worst kind of cart you could pick is the "swerver. This kind of cart has a mind of its own. You want to go in a straight line, but the cart wants to swerve to the left and take out the cat food display.
and, much to our dismay and embarrassment, it too often succeeds! The shopper who has chosen a swerving cart can have no peace. Every maneuver, from turning down the cereal aisle to gliding alongside the meat section, becomes a battle--the shopper's will pitted against the cart's.
Why am I talking to you about shopping carts when this book is about dating? Well, I recall my bad luck with grocery carts because many times I've experienced a similar "battle of wills" with dating. I'm not talking about conflicts between me and the girls I've dated.
I mean that I've struggled with the whole process. And based on my experiences and my exploration of God's Word, I've concluded that for Christians dating is a swerver--a set of values and attitudes that wants to go in a direction different from the one God has mapped out for us. Let me tell you why. SELF-CONTROL ISN'T ENOUGH I once heard a youth minister speak on the topic of love and sex.
He told a heart-rending story about Eric and Jenny, two strong Christians who had actively participated in his youth group years earlier. Eric and Jenny's dating relationship had started out innocently--Friday nights at the movies and rounds of putt-putt golf.
But as time went by, their physical relationship slowly began to accelerate, and they wound up sleeping together. Soon afterward they broke up, discouraged and hurt. The pastor telling the story saw both of them years later at a high school reunion. Jenny was now married and had a child. Eric was still single. But both came to him separately and expressed emotional trauma and guilt over past memories.
Eric expressed similar feelings. We all sat waiting for some sort of solution. We knew the reality of the story he told. Some of us had made the same mistake or watched it happen in the lives of our friends. We wanted something better. We wanted the pastor to tell us what we were supposed to do instead. But he gave no alternative that afternoon. Evidently the pastor thought the couples only mistake was giving in to temptation.
He seemed to think that Eric and Jenny should have had more respect for each other and more self-control. Although this pastor encouraged a different outcome--saving sex for marriage-- he didn't offer a different practice. Is this the answer? Head out on the same course as those who have fallen and hope that in the critical moment you'll be able to stay in control? Giving young people this kind of advice is like giving a person a cart that swerves and sending him into a store stocked with the world's most expensive Chinaware.
Despite the narrow aisles and glass shelves laden with delicate dishes, this person is expected to navigate the rows with a cart known to go off course? I don't think so. Yet this is exactly what we try in many of our relationships. We see the failed attempts around us, but we refuse to replace this "cart" called dating. DEFECTIVE DATING Dating has built-in problems, and if we continue to date according to the system as it is today, we'll more than likely swerve into trouble.
Eric and Jenny probably had good intentions, but they founded their relationship on our culture's defective attitudes and patterns for romance. Unfortunately, even in their adulthood they continue to reap the consequences The following "seven habits of highly defective dating" are some of the "swerves" dating relationships often make. Perhaps you can relate to one or two of them.
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remove-circle Share or Embed This Item. EMBED for wordpress. com hosted blogs and archive. Want more? Advanced embedding details, examples, and help! Publication date Topics Dating Social customs , Dating Social customs , Man-woman relationships , Dating Social customs , Christian life Publisher Sisters, Or. Includes bibliographical references p. What are you, nuts? romantic life in the light of God's Word and find more fulfillment than a date could ever give--a life of sincere love, true purity and purposeful singleness.
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AdCheck out millions of titles, including best sellers and free books on Google Play. Browse the expansive library on Google Play anywhere, anytime. Read now pages ; 21 cm. Joshua Harris's first book, written when he was only 21, turned the Christian singles scene upside down, and people are still talking. More than , copies later, I Kissed Dating Goodbye, with its inspiring call to sincere love, real purity, and purposeful singleness, remains the benchmark for books on Christian blogger.comg: online AdSign up today. Get 2 months of Kindle Unlimited for $! Explore millions of titles on any blogger.com: Romance, Mystery, Fiction, Spirituality, Self-Help ... read more
I would just be distracted by having a boyfriend. Search icon An illustration of a magnifying glass. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT IS Growing up, I considered dating an essential part of the complete teenage experience. I Kissed Dating Goodbye. EMBED for wordpress.They've planned their lives around each other when they don't really know that they'll get married someday And in reality, if they are like most high school couples, each of them will probably marry someone else. As my mom likes to joke, I read all the "passion" but skipped all the "purity. Continue Reading Download Free PDF. Actually, that's exactly what this book is about--waiting and a kissed dating goodbye read online. I couldn't help it. My unmarried years are a gift from God. Smart Love 2.